Kasse's Story

I Thought I Had to Be Afraid of God: Kasse’s Story of Coming Home

Sometimes we know God—but we don't really know His heart.

Kasse grew up in church. She went to Bible studies, youth retreats and purity conferences. She led worship and did everything she thought a good Christian was supposed to do.

From the outside, it looked like she had a strong relationship with God.

But underneath it all was fear.

She was afraid of making mistakes. Afraid of God's judgment. Afraid of the rapture. Afraid of Judgment Day. Afraid of what would happen when she got something wrong.

“I knew Him well, but I was afraid of Him.”

For Kasse, following Jesus had become more about avoiding punishment than experiencing the love of a Father.

Running From God

As Kasse entered her late teens, she began to pull away from the church.

She knew she was making choices she shouldn't be making, but instead of running toward God, she ran away from Him.

She didn't want the judgment of her church. She didn't want the judgment of her family. And most of all, she didn't want to face what she believed would be God's judgment.

So she separated herself from the people and places that knew her.

From 18 to 24, Kasse describes her life as one of the darkest seasons she experienced.

She felt like she was living different lives depending on who she was around—one person with her family, another with her church family, and another with her friends.

Eventually, she found herself living in Tennessee with someone she was dating. When that relationship ended, she found herself at the bottom.

Alone.

Disconnected.

And convinced she had gone too far to come back.

“I really felt like I could never come back to the Lord.”

One Sunday Morning

Then one Sunday morning, something changed.

Kasse was in the shower when she decided, almost casually, that she would go to church.

She hadn't been to church in a long time. No one there knew her. No one knew her past.

Maybe, she thought, she could simply show up and pretend everything was fine.

But God had something different in mind.

The message that morning was about completely surrendering your life to Christ.

Then the pastor began describing the very things Kasse was experiencing.

Loneliness.

Condemnation.

The struggle to surrender.

One by one, she found herself thinking:

Yes. That's me.

That morning became a turning point.

Kasse realized she couldn't simply return to church and go through the motions. She couldn't just sing the songs, attend conferences and show up on Sundays while continuing to live a completely different life outside the church.

She knew she needed to surrender everything.

So she did.

Discovering the Father She Thought She Knew

What happened next changed the way Kasse understood God.

She expected punishment.

Instead, she experienced blessing.

She expected condemnation.

Instead, she experienced grace.

She expected God to remind her of every mistake she had made.

Instead, she discovered a Father who was waiting for her to come home.

Looking back, Kasse says her story reminds her of the prodigal son.

The son who walked away.

The son who made his own choices.

The son who eventually came to the end of himself and returned home.

And when he came home, the Father didn't stand at the door with a list of everything he had done wrong.

He ran to him.

That became Kasse's picture of God.

“Just like you would do for a daughter, for a son.”

The God she had spent years fearing was revealing Himself as a loving Father.

From Fear to Love

Today, Kasse's relationship with Jesus is rooted in something very different.

Not fear.

Love.

She points to 1 John 4:16–18:

“God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them... There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.”

That truth has transformed the way she sees God.

Her story isn't about someone who finally became good enough to return to Jesus.

It's about someone who finally realized Jesus had never stopped waiting for her.

You Can Come Home Too

Maybe you're reading this and Kasse's story feels familiar.

Maybe you've grown up in church.

Maybe you've walked away.

Maybe you've made choices you're ashamed of.

Maybe you know exactly what it feels like to believe you've gone too far to come back.

Or maybe you've spent years following God while secretly being more afraid of Him than loved by Him.

Kasse has a simple message:

“If you want to come to Him, it doesn't matter where you were last night. Just come to Him today.”

That's the heart of the Gospel.

You don't have to clean yourself up before you come home.

You don't have to have the perfect words.

You don't have to pretend your past didn't happen.

Come home.

The Father is still waiting.

Watch Kasse’s Story

Hear Kasse share her story in her own words in this episode of Stories at the Crossroads.

Watch the full story and be reminded that no matter how far you've wandered, God's love is still calling you home.

At Crossroads Community Church, we believe Jesus meets us right where we are and invites us into a life transformed by His love.

WITH JESUS. FOR JESUS. ABOUT JESUS.

Join us Sunday mornings at 2600 Lakeside Drive in Las Cruces, New Mexico.